I realize we are just getting started helping our children and family as a whole unit live and succeed with chronic disease. We have definitely had more experiences in the hospital and at the doctors than an average family, but know there are other families that absolutely have had more experience than us. Watching each of our infants experience at some point an extended hospitalization left us feeling confused, afraid, lost, guilty, and often very angry. In the beginning I remember a toe to toe nose to nose discussion with one pulmonologist on call one day in the hospital with my 7 month old son (who heart breakingingly screamed bloody murder through every IV). The pulmonologist told me to “get used to this mom, you have to get used to this, you have children with a chronic disease you need to expect weeks in the hospital.” I was furious. I told her I refused to accept the hospital as normal and I refused to quit asking to go home as soon as we could as often as I could. She never came back to our room, and I never saw her again. She asked another pulmonologist to handle us (lets be honest me). I think I would like to let her know now that I apologize and I understand. I’m not happy about it, and it still feel angry about it a lot of the time but I understand that being intermittently hospitalized is part of my children’s life. We also understand that our emotions are second to helping our kids do their best to prevail with positivity and hope. Our attitude will be mirrored and magnified in them especially if it’s a negative one.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

How My Before and After Addiction Makes Me Feel Close to God : the Dolls are Finished!


I am addicted to the before and after. I wasn’t able to explain it on my own, why I liked “projects” so much and why the process of doing and finishing them gave me comfort, but Dieter Uchtdorf was able to explain it.

“Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Oct. 2008)

Some of my favorite mediums to create with are fabric, paint, and pen & pencil but Elder Uchtdorf says that creating happens in innumerable ways. Creating a smile that wasn’t on someone’s face before you came and talked to them, creating a meal, creating a clean space, the list goes on and one and does not in anyway require our creativity to be with a hot glue gun, paint brush, or sewing machine.
 
This next part of Uchtdorf’s talk is why creating makes me feel comforted. “The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.”

When I feel stressed out or sad or frustrated my Father in Heaven cares enough about me as His daughter to help me think of a way to create, and then I feel better. The whole process of it makes me feel better. So after the phone call in the Target about Ruby having CF came I went into a little stress coma for a while. I felt heavily very tired and ached with discouragement. Naps helped a little, but what I needed was to create something.

The idea of the fundraiser was brought to my mind and also specific things I could help the kids to make. Then I walked through my bedroom and saw a pile of fabric I had cleaned out of my closet a few weeks before sitting in a nice little pile outside of my closet (my bedroom is unfortunately always the last on my list to be beautified). BONANZA! My mind saw the pile of prints transformed into dolls I could make to represent Ruby in the fundraiser. I HAD SOMETHING TO CREATE! I was going to feel better soon! Hope returned and my heart was singing!

Uchtdorf said,“I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.”

I know that Heavenly Father loves me and loves all people on this planet, we are His children, He made us! He wants to lift us up when we are discouraged and help us to have a life of fulfillment. I feel very close to God when I create.

Here is a link to the complete talk by President Uchtdorf:
 
 

3 comments:

  1. I sure enjoy reading your posts. Your testimony and faith.

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  2. You are beautiful inside and out!

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  3. I love your posts Kamarah, and I love the things you create, at least the ones I get to see. Sure love your family!

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