I realize we are just getting started helping our children and family as a whole unit live and succeed with chronic disease. We have definitely had more experiences in the hospital and at the doctors than an average family, but know there are other families that absolutely have had more experience than us. Watching each of our infants experience at some point an extended hospitalization left us feeling confused, afraid, lost, guilty, and often very angry. In the beginning I remember a toe to toe nose to nose discussion with one pulmonologist on call one day in the hospital with my 7 month old son (who heart breakingingly screamed bloody murder through every IV). The pulmonologist told me to “get used to this mom, you have to get used to this, you have children with a chronic disease you need to expect weeks in the hospital.” I was furious. I told her I refused to accept the hospital as normal and I refused to quit asking to go home as soon as we could as often as I could. She never came back to our room, and I never saw her again. She asked another pulmonologist to handle us (lets be honest me). I think I would like to let her know now that I apologize and I understand. I’m not happy about it, and it still feel angry about it a lot of the time but I understand that being intermittently hospitalized is part of my children’s life. We also understand that our emotions are second to helping our kids do their best to prevail with positivity and hope. Our attitude will be mirrored and magnified in them especially if it’s a negative one.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Being The Kind of Girl Who Laughs Through A Funeral



Recently in a classroom full of female friends from church we were all asked to give an answer to the question, “What do you do when you’re at an emotional low point to pick yourself back up?”


At the time it felt like my mind suddenly became a blank slate. I had no response. Then I really wanted to pipe in and say something to support my friend who was giving the lesson so I said, “music.” Which is very true! I have since my obtaining of a smart phone just last year learned to thoroughly enjoy my Pandora app. Particularly 90’s County Radio (because I like that I know the words to every song from my years of listening to American Country Countdown with my sisters in our garage converted bedroom on Sunday nights) and Hawaiian Radio (because my brother currently lives in Hawaii and it makes me think of him and because I have no idea what they are saying but it’s beautiful and relaxing non-the-less).


But later on as I was thinking about the amazing job my friend did teaching the class I realized that really in the moment of a true emotional low for me I don’t turn on music. I laugh. I should have known to give this answer. I’ve always been the girl who laughs at the corny jokes. My husband says that’s one of the reasons why he was attracted to me when we first met because I laughed at all of his jokes. He thought he never knew he was the funniest guy ever but after he met me he realized he was, until he realized I was just a laugher.


For instance, when my kids have been in the hospital (surprisingly this has only been 5 separate times in 10 years with 3 kids with Cystic Fibrosis, indeed a blessing) and Frank and I are taking turns one of us at home and one of us in the hospital those nights when I’m at home are hard for me. I come home from being hospital parent and fielding medical professionals and keeping the spirits of my kid up to jumping into the action with the kids at home who are worried and anxious and out of their routine as well. By the time I get the home kids in bed and I have that moment of silence when I know they are finally all asleep it hits me.


The emotions I have been ignoring all day by taking care of my family all catch up and tap me on the shoulder at the same time. Since I am alone I can choose right then how I answer the question my friend asked in her class, “What do you do when you’re at an emotional low point to pick yourself back up?” A quick reflex is to just sit there and sob wallowing in my sadness and worry. I have definitely done that on many of the nights, but I hate crying because I have a hard time stopping especially when I’m alone. So the next thought that comes to my mind is that I need to laugh. Not at something new that I’ve never seen, but I need to laugh at something familiar that I’ve laughed at before.


Thankfully I have a handful of television shows that never fail get me to laugh out loud. Plus since I’ve seen them before I can clean the house and do the dishes waiting for my que to laugh with my favorite extremely well written characters in television.


The laughter clears my head and I can think rationally though my emotions rather than surrendering to the panic of it all. I know that laughter is the way I have been blessed with to get me through my difficult moments in life. I mean heck I laughed so hard with my last pregnancy watching one of my shows that it made my water break! So it’s definitely my thing, laughing I mean not giving birth. I’m grateful that God wants me to have joy and blesses me with opportunities to receive that joy!


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