I realize we are just getting started helping our children and family as a whole unit live and succeed with chronic disease. We have definitely had more experiences in the hospital and at the doctors than an average family, but know there are other families that absolutely have had more experience than us. Watching each of our infants experience at some point an extended hospitalization left us feeling confused, afraid, lost, guilty, and often very angry. In the beginning I remember a toe to toe nose to nose discussion with one pulmonologist on call one day in the hospital with my 7 month old son (who heart breakingingly screamed bloody murder through every IV). The pulmonologist told me to “get used to this mom, you have to get used to this, you have children with a chronic disease you need to expect weeks in the hospital.” I was furious. I told her I refused to accept the hospital as normal and I refused to quit asking to go home as soon as we could as often as I could. She never came back to our room, and I never saw her again. She asked another pulmonologist to handle us (lets be honest me). I think I would like to let her know now that I apologize and I understand. I’m not happy about it, and it still feel angry about it a lot of the time but I understand that being intermittently hospitalized is part of my children’s life. We also understand that our emotions are second to helping our kids do their best to prevail with positivity and hope. Our attitude will be mirrored and magnified in them especially if it’s a negative one.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Just What I Needed!


I am grateful to know that I am a child of God. He loves me! He lays blessings at my feet for me to pick up. One of those blessings came tonight when I got to go to the General Women’s Meeting with my daughter, sister, and my mom. I know there will be a time in my life when I won’t be able to attend a meeting like that with all of them so its very special to have had the chance tonight.

Anyone who needs uplifted, encouraged, assured of God’s love for you or just to feel a bit shinier should listen and or watch the meeting. An hour and a half very well spent. Plus this meeting is an exciting stair step to next weekend when we get to enjoy General Conference!

My method of taking notes in this meeting (not a new idea I realize) was to pull out pieces of things that struck my heart. Unfortunately I did not write down the names of who said what. Here are some of the pieces I picked from tonight.

-“Looking out through Heavenly Father’s window,” was such a sweet way of saying that how Heavenly Father sees us is not how we so often see ourselves or others. While from my window constantly pick myself apart and see myself as immensely lacking, He sees me through his window as someone who is trying hard to not give up and waiving and cheering to me to keep on walking and whispering good ideas to my heart. “Don’t you give up, you keep walking…believe in good things to come” (that is one from J.R.Holland).

-“Find the peace to breathe again,” puts into words what happens over and over again as I go through the human cycle of hitting low mental places and then finally when I stop walking in the dark and turn to my Savior Jesus Christ to literally “find the peace to breathe again.” Loved it.

-“The atonement bears no scars,” was something that I knew but how she explained it and brought it to my mind again made it clear that when I sincerely repent of mistakes I can let go of those things. I don’t have to keep these mistakes, these sins on my shoulders and moll over them and let them continue to push me down. But I can be scar free through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

-“This earth is the time to prepare to meet God NOT to receive all of our blessings,” was an awesome reminder to me to keep my chin up through tough stuff. If I want to be ready to meet God I have to walk down my path, the path He is laying out for me each day, and know that if I keep on walking and trying and looking to Him for direction I will be ready to be with Him again.

I just loved it. I loved that I had the privilege of being there with family. I loved that I had my 8 year old beautiful daughter with me. I loved that every word I wrote down in my notes she quickly wrote down in hers as well. I loved that by her action of copying my notes I had a big huge flashing road sign reminder that she is watching me and I need to be my best. I loved that the whole meeting gave me encouragement and reminders on how do to just that.
 
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